what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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