I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
