Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
