you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
