she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
