I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
