Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
