i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
two words: eviction party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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