i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
