hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's get the cat blown out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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