Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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