he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
