It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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