I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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