By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
