I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
