So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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