FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
