she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
