Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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