hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
