this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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