I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
