HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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