great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
