Duck Duck Cougar?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
