The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Are my feet made of real feet?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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