I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
