imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
