You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
