this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
