My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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