My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
