I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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