During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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