He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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