smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
