nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
