Got a toothbrush?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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