Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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