Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
