I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
