You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
