He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
