he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was confusing and full of hummus
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
