Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
