The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
