Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
