She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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