Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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