Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
